The Feeling of Homelessness

I often wish there was such a thing as a world passport, maybe that way I could travel where I want without the hustle of visas and passports. I recently got a job offer in Japan , which I accepted. For a person in $50+ thousand student loan debt, this well paying opportunity was going to help me a lot in that regard. I was mentally and physically ready for my move to Yamaguchi Prefecture. Sadly, this excitement was short lived due to immigration issues that prevented me from getting a visa to Japan. I’ve lived in the U.S for 8 years now and am still not a citizen, not sure why, but this status has cost me an opportunity of a lifetime. I’ve traveled in and out of the United States in the last 8 years, and so it didn’t even cross my mind that I’ll ever be denied entry to another country. You can imagine the shock and feelings of defeat, for someone who’s done this a hundred times. I don’t think there’s a way to write this post to accurately express my sadness and disappointment at this very moment.

Sometimes I genuinely feel homeless, because I am. Here’s how –  having lost my mom (a single mom) meant losing everything I knew, literally everything. From ages 9 to 18, I moved to a total of 8 foster homes, none of which are home to me. So I literally do not have a physical place to call home in South Africa, where I’m a citizen. I’ve been living in the United States for almost a decade and I am blessed to have a physical address here, however, that again is just home by name, because I’m not a citizen. Which in my case means having to embark on immigration forced departure trips in order to maintain my status of a legal resident. As you can imagine, my being is deeply troubled at times, and my emotional being just as flustered.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I’m choosing to keep all this to myself, and I recognize that it is a slightly bad idea, but a better alternative. There’s nothing as irritating as getting “advise” from people who have never been in your shoes, don’t know what they are talking about, but someone know what I should be doing to remedy the situation. I really appreciate the concerns from those around me, however, their help is not very helpful, it leaves me overwhelmed and stressed instead. I wish my American Beloveds understand that everything they are is protected by the constitution and rights which can be contested till kingdom come. However, none of these perks apply to me, regardless of how fair or unfair they may seem. I DON’T HAVE the FREEDOM to DECIDE what should be done in or any particular situation. Everything I do has to be planed and calculated with precaution, at which immigration can deem invalid at their discretion.

In closing, thank you for listening to my rant, as I have been really stressed for a week now. I would also like to point out that even though my situation is at a all time worst, it is still a feeling, unlike millions of people out there who are homeless in every sense of the word. I am blessed beyond measure and I am very grateful for all my family and friends – and for this platform I have on which I can expresses all of these feelings.

 

84th day of the year. Today is International Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Slavery and the Transatlantic Slave Trade.

Thank you for stopping by. 🙂 Have a blessed day and weekend.

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